Thursday, 9 January 2014

7 Reasons I Know I’m Not An Adult Yet


Sometimes I think I'm a fairly competent, professional business person, and sometimes I think I'm a five year old pretending to go to work with my Dad's old brief case filled with drawings of cats. Here are seven reasons why I know I haven't quite let go of my youth yet...



1. I can’t do laundry

When I was at university I found it really difficult to remember to do laundry. My technique was basically ‘when there are no clothes left in the wardrobe except those jeans you have to lie down to put on, you better put a wash on.’ I would go home for the weekend lugging a bag full of dirty clothes, and my Mum would laugh and say ‘What a typical student!’ and by the end of the week all my clothes would be clean and fresh and ironed and folded.
So...how come I’ve been out of university for five years, and I’m still exactly the same? Why do I never have any clean tights except that weird Halloween pair with spiders on the knees which I put on by mistake roughly once a week? Why, when I do manage to put clothes on to wash, do I then forget they are there for two days, forcing me either to wash them again or wander around smelling faintly of damp? Why do I still have to make sure I ‘coincidentally’ put that handwash cardigan in my suitcase if I’m going home to my parents for the weekend?! I’m sure there must be some kind of laundry gift bestowed on women of a certain age – I’m just going to keep waiting…

2. I have never comfortably sat in a bar on my own



You know the Sex In The City image of a glamorous business woman sitting at a bar with a dry martini, collecting her thoughts after a hard day’s work, being subtly checked out by a hot man in the corner? Yeah, that’s not me. If I’m sitting in a bar alone it’s because I’m waiting for someone, and I’ll be pretending to look at my phone, and glancing up every couple of seconds awkwardly, and to be honest I’m more likely to be standing outside in the cold, where I will pretend to my late friend through gritted teeth that it’s fine, I only just got here anyway. Maybe people never actually go to bars alone and it’s just a prop device used for TV? I hope so, because I don’t think I’ll ever be that grown up…and while we’re here, does anyone actually like dry martinis?! Give me a Sex on the Beach any day.

3. I still know about new technology (mostly)

I can use Whatsapp. I have an iPhone (okay, so I had to get my younger sister to help me set it up, but whatever), and I am up to a reasonably decent level on Candy Crush. I know that Myspace is not cool anymore. So I’m still down with the kids, right? (I don’t have Snapchat, though. That’s just going too far – I’m not fifteen, and I don’t want to see anybody’s bits.)
4. I don’t know how to read my electricity meter
In fact, I don’t even know where it is. My electricity bills vary wildly, never seemingly related to seasonal usage or anything else for that matter, and I have never remotely understood why. A variety of sensible folk including my boyfriend and Dad have attempted to explain the way in which electricity is charged, but it is a concept that eludes me entirely. N Power could charge me the bill for the Oxford Street Christmas lights and I’d just have to shrug and pay it. One day I am going to grow up, locate my electricity meter, and maybe even type some numbers into one of those comparison websites and save myself £200 a year – but that day is not today.
(Ditto, gas).
5. I like babies, but I want to give them back
My cousins have children, and when my Mum holds them, she looks wistful, like she sort of wishes she could hide them in her handbag and take them home. I on the other hand view them as a kind of novelty toy, maybe like a kind of singing teddy bear – fun for roughly five minutes and then the noise becomes slightly headache inducing. I know I want children in the future. I have been saying I would like them ‘in about five years time’ for…oh, about six years. When that day finally comes, I’ll know I’ve grown up, but in the meantime, I’ll continue saying ‘aww,’ and giving them back again.
6. I never come prepared with food
Recently, I had to buy a sandwich at a horrible railway café because there was nothing else for 100 miles around and I hadn’t eaten all day. This would never happen to my parents. My Mum would whip out a cool bag full of sandwiches or hot cross buns, a side of scotch eggs and a chocolate bar -  probably with a flask of coffee and a couple of cans of diet coke to wash it all down. Somehow, the simple task of placing filling between bread and putting it in my bag seems WAY too hard, so I will continue to sulk hungrily until I get to the nearest McDonald’s, where I will spend 99p on something that tastes of cardboard and makes my skin instantly erupt in spots. Good.

7. All geography eludes me
Particularly that of the UK. My Dad, in particular, seems to have the working knowledge of a detailed ordnance survey map of the world – and most adults from what I can tell know which motorways go where, and the difference between Woking and Wokingham, and they don’t say ‘I went down to Sheffield from London’, and so on. I have got a (good) Geography A Level. So why did I recently have to admit that I don’t actually know where Northumbria is? I can only assume that one day I will wake up and all this knowledge will have developed in the clearly deformed ‘Geography’ part of my brain, and I’ll be able to drive to Southampton without misreading the Sat Nav and driving the wrong way down the M1 for 45 minutes (I’ve got no idea if Southampton is on the M1, by the way. YOU SEE?!)


Anyone agree? Good. Let's all go and get into our onesies, eat Lucky Charms and watch Disney films. Growing up is overrated anyway! 
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11 comments

  1. Thank you for writing down my life. I really like this list. I am 23 and still maintain that I am not an adult, but most of my friends seem insulted when I say that. The next time the conversation comes up I will be referring them to this list.

    http://mattekat.blogspot.ca/

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  2. Thank you, I am following you back on bloglovin ;)

    Lovely post, I 100% agree! haha

    http://mypetitecorner.blogspot.com

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  3. YES!
    This makes me happy.
    I'm 30 years old and still can't do these things. Especially laundry, everything comes out a dingy shade of grey or a size smaller. :s
    x

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  4. This its great and funny I sometimes feel the same still do not know how to read the meter ha ha.
    http://tifi11.blogspot.com

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  5. Totally agree - I have a theory that no one ever really feels like an adult...until you have kids! And even then you probably still don't!
    xx
    Wee Bit of Rachel

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  6. Haa love this post! Completly agree with all of them!!!

    Stevie | Stevie Hearts Makeup
    xxx

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  7. This is great, really made me giggle. I feel the same way for the majority of these but I have step-kids that have forced me to grow up real quick and learn how to do a couple of loads of laundry a week haha.

    Kelsey Dina <3

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  8. I giggled the whole way through this post, and I agree, snapchatting would have been my thing if I were 15!
    As per usually, such a well written post :)
    danielascribbles.blogspot.co.uk

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  9. This post made me laugh so much. I agree with every single one of them.

    Ps I'm already in a onesie with a Disney film on. Definitely not a grown-up yet. xx

    D Is For...

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  10. Oh my, this is so scary accurate and super funny! Love the plan at the bottom--cereal and Disney complete my life.

    yourskenna.blogspot.com

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  11. haha great post! they describe me really well too... guess we're all not adults yet! :)

    rachel x
    blush&brunch

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