Tuesday, 23 December 2014

New Year's Resolutions - 5 I Wills and 5 I Won'ts

So you've got to hold me to these, alright? 

I will: 

1. Get back to my favourite weight (just over a stone lighter than I currently am) - the healthy way, with lots of exercise (bleurgh), fruit and vegetables. I'm not fat, but I'm getting married in September and I really want to look my best - I know I'll only regret it if I don't put the effort in. I have a gym and swimming pool in my flat so I really have no excuse not to exercise 4 times a week, so that'll be a start. I also promise to start making smoothies - I might even go on the dreaded juice diet in January. We shall see... I might do monthly updates on my progress if that's something anyone would be interested in reading. It might keep me in check!

2. Save money. Again, I'm getting married so I really need to do this one! Less time spent flitting about in Michelin star restaurants/on the ASOS website will mean a nicer day...and just as (perhaps more than) importantly...a nicer honeymoon! (And then when I come back I can spend ALL my money on meee...Jo Malone candles and shoes and...okay I'm getting ahead of myself. SAVE, Catherine). 

3. Have one non drinking day every month. I tried to do 'dry January' once and I made it to the 4th (how embarrassing). I think January is such a depressing month that you NEED a glass of wine every now and then just to make it through! But even I can go one weekend a month without drinking, which will help with my health (and assist with resolutions 1 and 2 above!)
4. Run a 5k in half an hour. I've been ill for the last month so I couldn't train properly for my Santa run, but I really want to train and get under half an hour by the end of next year. I'd also really like to run a 10k, but that seems like a totally impossible dream right now so we shall see!

5. Do one new thing every week, and record it in a Friday blog post. I think a year of firsts would be really good fun (and they can just be silly things, like... eating something new... just to stop life getting boring!)

I will not: 

1. Freak out as much about my health. For the last few months I've been terrible and every twinge has sent me running to the doctor, but I've had 1000 check ups and they all seem to come back fine. The advice is basically to take a chill pill, so I'm going to try. 

2. Procrastinate any more with my book. I've been trying to write it for years now but I get so bogged down in criticising myself that it never happens. I need to stop overthinking it and just WRITE. I used to do this so naturally as a child and look at this blog - it's not like I can't ramble on! I need to just get on with it next year. 

3. Pick the skin on my lip. This is my worst habit (sorry, even writing it down totally grosses me out) and I am really trying to stop it. False nails help, and look good too - win win!

4. Force myself to say 'yes' to everything. Last year I decided to be a 'yes' person and essentially I went to everything I was invited to. It was great, and really exciting, but it also left me exhausted and burnt out - by December, I was a mess. I spent a day at the spa with my Mum and was practically right as rain again. This year I'm going to say no to a few more things and spend a few more evenings in the bath with a face mask on. 

5. Go to bed without cleansing, toning and moisturising. Honestly, I don't even really know what toning does, but I want to look like Nigella Lawson when I'm 50, not Gillian McKeith. My skin has always been a bit of a nightmare but I've got all the right products - I just need to use them! Ditto, not going to bed with wet hair, then thinking 'It'll do' and going to work looking like I've got a mad bird living on my head.

Well, that should be enough for me to be getting on with! Oh and as ever, I'm going to aim to keep up with my blog and get involved in the community more! Do you have any resolutions? Link me your posts below!

Christmas Thankfulness

I've been a bit ill for the last few months and a couple of times, I thought I was going to die. Have you ever had that? A weird headache, or a twinge somewhere that doesn’t feel right, and that awful foreboding – the fear of closing your eyes in case they don’t open again, or they open to a dirty-white hospital ceiling and lights and beeps and your family crying? I’m still here, and it was probably just a headache, but I couldn’t help it –I curled tighter against my fiancĂ©, hugging him as if he might disappear, and I lay awake and thought about life. I was scared and tired and upset and frankly, being a bit stupid, but all I could think about was this quote from American Beauty

"My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life."

It just made me think about how grateful I am. Sometimes I think I’m not – sometimes I call myself an ungrateful, spoilt brat, because I wish I didn’t have to drag myself out of bed at 7am to go to work, because I play the lottery and dream of million pound houses when people are homeless, because I moan about my weight and pick at a yoghurt when kids are starving in Africa, because I have bad hair days and Sunday blues and because it secretly really annoys me that my blog isn’t as popular as Zoella’s and that I don’t look like Blake Lively.

But last night I realised that those things are part of life and I don’t feel guilty anymore, because I am grateful.

I am grateful for waking up at 8am on Sunday mornings when I was 12 and eating hot toasted bacon sandwiches on the sofa under my quilt, watching cartoons. For the way grass smelt in the summer at primary school when you were first allowed ‘on the field.’ For the wonderful, sparkling night when my boyfriend proposed.  For lying with my head on my mum’s lap, watching ‘White Christmas’ on Christmas Eve, even though I hate black and white films. For homemade sausage rolls. For hugs with my Dad when he’s just come in from the garden and needs a bath. For hot baths when you have cold feet, and cold swimming pools in summer. For drinking too much Malibu and throwing up in a carrier bag on the stairs whilst my best friend at university threw up in the toilet. For those black jeans my Mum bought me when I was on the brink of despair and thought no trousers would ever fit me again. For dark red painted toenails making me feel glamorous. For nights on the sofa with my boyfriend watching Masterchef and betting on who will lose next. For every single colour I’ve ever dyed my hair. For sitting on my bed with my sister while she picks things up in my room and asks what they are.

For kissing people I’ve never met in clubs. For Polzeath beach and Padstow harbour and the taste of Cornish fudge. For that night at Glastonbury when we danced till 5am. For that time my friends and I sung ‘Wonderwall’ at a karaoke night in Gran Canaria and were so bad we had to run from the bar.  For religiously watching Eastenders hoping for a glimpse of Jack Ryder. For every single time I’ve eaten a cake when I was meant to be on a diet, and every single time I had a banana instead and proudly lost a pound. For the times when I would sit in the car after dinner with my cousins and one of them would fart and lock all the doors so we couldn’t get out. For nights in the pub with my boyfriend, drinking a little too much and setting the world to rights. For every night I went out clubbing when I should be working, and every night I refused to go out and stayed in and ate pizza in my pyjamas. For the moment my fiancĂ© first said he loved me and I felt the world tilt.

For the excitement of a new iPhone, and for everytime I bought a dress I couldn’t afford and then left it in my wardrobe for months, and for hot chocolates with cream and McDonald’s quarter pounder with cheese meals and for listening to Jimmy Eat World when I was heartbroken and for swimming with dolphins and the smell of Yves St Laurent Rive Gauche perfume and the Arctic Monkeys 5th album and for drinking when I promised I wouldn’t and for my first kiss and for long road trips and the smell of my Dad’s dressing gown and for butter icing and Christmas lights and barbecues and for my best friends, all of them, and for that moment when you’ve had a drink with your friends and you’ve got the whole night ahead of you and everything feels right with the world. For the unconditional love my family give me every day.

I think if you've got these things, you don't need presents wrapped in pretty paper or a perfect Pinterest tree or the best cooked Christmas dinner. You can close your eyes and be grateful for every single moment of your stupid little life :) 
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