Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Tanya Burr, Glamour magazine, my wedding & the pressures of social media



I picked up Glamour magazine yesterday, partly I admit because I finally found one with the free Clinique red lipstick (it’s a total dream, BTW) but also because I’m a big fan of Tanya Burr and I really wanted to read her interview. I flicked straight to it on the tube, pretty much expecting it to be like her videos – frothy, sweet, girly, not very deep. I have to say, I really didn’t expect it to make me think.

Glamour Tanya Burr


In the article, Tanya clearly comes across as more adult – it’s a deliberate decision, I think, emphasised by the mature, seductive photography – and it’s apparent that she’s at a crossroads with her career. I can see how for a Youtuber with a young following it is quite difficult to know how to ‘grow up’ – presumably, Tanya doesn’t want – and can’t- spend the rest of her life baking cheerily in Christmas pyjamas, but that’s what her viewers crave. I thought that was really interesting, but what really got me thinking was her discussion around her decision to stop ‘vlogging’ so much – videoing her daily life and putting it on the internet – particularly in relation to her marriage.

Tanya and I got married within a month of each other and her description of how she felt afterwards really mirrors how I felt too. I didn’t think anything would change and yet suddenly my relationship felt deeper, more special – more sacrosanct, almost. After our honeymoon I felt like we were inseparable to a point where I think I became a bit clingy and I almost wanted us to spend all our time on our own.

Tanya had an extremely private wedding and honeymoon and noted that she didn’t want to share it because it was too special. Now, obviously, I have nothing like the following Tanya has and nor could I even imagine it – but when we got married, everyone shared it on Facebook anyway, and I was quite happy about that, and I blogged about it because I wanted to write it down so I had my memories intact for years to come.

But when I went to share our honeymoon photos on Facebook, something stopped me. Similarly, although I’d shared a few blog posts about Bali, I went to write my post about the Gili Islands a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t. 



Our few precious days in the paradise that was the Gili Islands were some of the happiest days of my life and I just don’t know that I want those memories pawed through by other people, getting their opinions all over them. Does that make sense? I know most people would be lovely. But even on Facebook I have – doesn’t everyone have? – some ‘friends’ who aren’t really friends; ex boyfriends, people from university I don’t really like anymore, friends of my husband who I have to pretend to like, and so on. People who are jealous, people who would make rude comments about you.

And normally I don’t mind. A rude comment on a blog post about an outfit I bought from New Look or a meal I had in London really doesn’t bother me. I guess Tanya has that feeling 100 fold, with entire communities creating hate pages about her (and I mean seriously, girls – stop it. You look jealous whether you are or not, and it’s just a really weird hobby to have – imagine if everybody knew you were doing it, how embarrassed you’d be!) and I’m sure she doesn’t mind either. But clearly, we are both overprotective of our marriages. No, sorry. You can’t have this one. This memory is mine.

In a world where the lines between sharing and oversharing become evermore blurred and reality and social media start to merge into one, I find it oddly refreshing and comforting to know that one of the world’s biggest Youtubers, when it comes down to it, feels exactly the same as I do. Yes, allowing people access to your life is fun – you can share your experiences, your good times and bad, your pretty photographs of candles and baths and cupcakes – but there are some things, some real things, that belong to you and you alone.

I wrote a post previously about taking a backseat from social media and since then, I’ve really allowed most of it to creep back into my life – but I think Tanya’s Glamour interview, as well as making me like and respect her even more than I already did, has made me want to hold certain things back again. I’m perfectly happy with my decision to share my wedding posts (probably because I don’t have 3 million followers), but my Gili Islands post is going to be a secret forever, and there will be no honeymoon albums on Facebook for this girl. 

Have any of you ever felt like this? Is there anything you just can't share?

Oh, and Tanya – thank you, and I hope you and Jim have a wonderful Christmas!
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12 comments

  1. A wonderful post! I completely understand that you prefer to keep some things to yourself, and I often think that bloggers feel like they have the obligation to share everything, while no one really asks for it. I started blogging very recently and I often have this feeling that I 'need' to capture everything and then I think... Britt, just put the fucking camera away and enjoy the company around you :D. It is a struggle, haha!
    Btw, this probably undermines my whole point but I do love that you post much more regularly lately. Your posts are always fun to read :)

    xx B

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    1. I completely agree! Haha, it's often the most fun things (like my honeymoon!) where you do start out by wanting to blog, but then realise that would somehow spoil the memory!
      Thank you so much! :) don't worry I'm definitely going to keep posting regularly xxxx

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  2. I know what you mean - I think I'd share my wedding photos but not my Honeymoon or private family photos! Some people are just so bitchy - can't believe anyone would be mean about her, shes gorgeous x

    www.beckieeschle.com

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    1. Yep I think that's where my line in the sand is drawn too, it's hard to get the balance right. I know, I think people are just jealous and like to try and bring her down! xx

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  3. I also read the interview and though the same thing about how much more mature/grown up she comes across and I think it's deliberately to take aback seat from Youtube in a way. I think its great that she doesn't want to share her private life as much, shows that her marriage means a lot to her x

    Beauty with charm | AVENE GIVEAWAY

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    1. Yep I agree and I think she comes across really well. The way she spoke about her marriage really resonated with me as it's exactly how I feel about mine and I just think it's really lovely! x

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  4. I love the fact that you're holding things back for the two of you. It's a nice balance and one that stays true to your relationship. Sometimes the feeling of needing to share overwhelms a need for privacy about certain things and so it's great you've found your line in the sand.

    Lisa | Not Quite Enough

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    1. Aww thank you. It is a difficult balance but it's definitely something I've really been thinking about lately! x

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  5. Your thoughts really resonate with mine! Sometimes I don't know if there are things I should share or not online. It's kinda weird, actually. Some of the most fun times I have with my boyfriend, I don't feel comfortable sharing on Facebook or Instagram. I'm not ashamed of him our our relationship by any means, but it's just something private that I'd like to keep to ourselves. He isn't big on sharing on social media either, so I'm glad we feel the same way. My ex used to be all about sharing on social media, and even got offended when I said I didn't really want to make us "facebook official" - I think it's kind of sad when you need to have that to solidify a relationship! I think it's also difficult to always be sharing your private life on social media where thousands, if not millions, of people you don't know... know so much about you.

    I don't know if this version of Glamour is available in the US, but I'll be looking for it tomorrow!

    becky ♡ star violet

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    1. Agreed, I know some people who don't think it's official till it's on Facebook - ridiculous! Exactly - it must be so hard for her obviously but it's just that some things are so precious you really don't want everybody and his dog to be involved! xxx

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  6. She is really making a name for herself such a beautiful lady!
    Candice | Beauty Candy Loves

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  7. I didn't buy this as I don't follow Tanya but I might try and give it a read if there's any left :)

    Rosy | Sparkles of Light Blog

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