Your nails are really dirty, aren’t they? I mean, you do realise neat, polished nails are the sign of a neat, polished person? Oh my god, you’ve painted them blue? That’s so unprofessional. Wow, you’ve gone and got a proper manicure – are you some kind of pampered princess or what? You clearly only care about your looks, how vain. You should care about more serious things, like the world news. Okay, we get it, you're an intellectual - god, stop showing off, it's so boastful.
Have you got a proper job yet? You can’t just doss around, you know. #GIRLBOSS, remember. Woah, look at you, crazy career woman! You want to be careful, you’ll look like a completely intimidating pyscho bitch and then you’ll never get a boyfriend. Have you got a boyfriend yet? You need to put yourself out there more. Really, Tinder? Are you desperate? Look, it’s the modern world, and you’re a modern girl, if you know what I mean – just shave your legs, put some red lipstick on and get out there! OMG you had a one night stand? What a slut. You can tell you’re a slut from that bright lipstick and short skirt – god, leave something to the imagination won’t you? No one’s going to want to be your boyfriend if you’re that easy.