Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Summer v.s. Autumn

A question:

Why is everyone so excited for Autumn? I could understand if everyone was sad about how it keeps raining in summer, but no – all I keep seeing are tweets wishing Autumn would ‘hurry up and arrive.’ So…why?
Autumn in your mind

I could completely understand if Autumn was like it is in American movies – crisp but sunshiney days, a carpet of red and orange leaves on the ground, girls wearing cosy sweaters and scarves but no coats – a bit like a perpetual version of Hocus Pocus, only without the witches. The vision of Autumn these people conjure up is utterly beautiful, pumpkin pie cooling on a windowsill, candles burning, hot chocolate in mugs with cream on top, rosy cheeks and fresh air. Having never been to, say, Massachusetts, I can’t tell you if Autumn (or ‘Fall’) there is actually like that. But what I can guarantee you is that Autumn here is not like that at all.

Let me just remind you, as you wish away the summer, as you complain about the heat or wish for ‘cosier’ times, what Autumn in England is actually like. It is waking up at 7.30am – in the dark – and getting home at 6pm – in the dark. It is getting up every day and trying to find a pair of tights that don’t have a hole in them, spending £3 every two weeks in Primark on new pairs because seriously where do they go? It is leaving the house in a coat and gloves because it’s freezing cold only to almost boil to death on the tube, hot condensation running down the windows; it is leaving the house in a skirt and shirt and ballet slippers only to be rained on when you pop out to get your lunch.
Autumn in reality
Autumn is spending £3.95 on a Starbucks drink only to discover you don’t really like pumpkin spice flavouring. It is putting on five pounds in sausage and mash and steak and ale pie, then running in drizzle to try and lose 10 pounds by Christmas. Autumn is cancelling drinks because it’s cold and dark and you’d rather just stay in and have a bath; it is spending £3.99 on a bath bomb shaped like a pumpkin that you will use once and will leave glitter all over the bath tiles for roughly 6 weeks.

Autumn is Halloween, it is planning a complex corpse bride outfit complete with fancy face make up, then realising on the day you have nothing to make this outfit from and buying a cheap plastic witches’ hat from Sainsbury’s. It is strong punch in a sticky orange bucket and children ringing the doorbell when you’re at a crucial point in a Game of Thrones episode, and giving them gold coins left over from last Christmas because the alternative is having an egg thrown at your car. It is far-too-crowded Halloween club nights and Uber sur-charges because nobody wants to get a night bus home because okay, it’s October, but have you noticed it’s already bloody freezing?

And that is the crux of the matter – Autumn is also about two minutes long, and then it’s November when it is officially, undoubtedly winter, and is it actually Christmas yet?

So this year, let’s all make a pact and rather than wishing for Autumn, let’s wish for an Indian summer. Or accept that the above is our lot, and enjoy it as best we can. What do you think? 

1 comment

  1. I completely agree with you! Autumn in Scotland is just wet and windy and horrid! I'd like to at least have a bit of a summer first!


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