Wednesday, 7 February 2018

For when you're having one of those days

This morning when my alarm went off I thought it was a mistake. Not, like, ‘oh, I’m tired, I probably should’ve stopped watching Peaky Blinders before 11pm.’ More like – oh dear, how did I set my alarm for 2am when it is clearly not time for any human to emerge from slumber? Perhaps my iPhone has malfunctioned; perhaps I rolled on it in the night (because I sometimes sleep with it under my pillow, which I know is not a healthy relationship to have with your phone; we are working through our co-dependency thank you).

But it wasn’t 2am, it was 7am. So I got up. And if this were a story being told to you by my Mum, she would tell you I got up on the wrong side of bed.

I had laid out clothes for myself the night before (I do this because my husband wakes up later than me and if I turn the light on he looks like when you see someone on TV pull a small animal out of its burrow and you feel a bit cruel) and when I put the outfit on, it looked all wrong, for some reason I couldn’t really explain. I also had forgotten to find a cardigan and it was 2 degrees, so I went into the bedroom using the torch on my phone, stubbed my toe on the door, then opened a drawer which had way too much stuff in it. And every single time I picked up what I thought was a black cardigan it turned out to be a pair of black leggings. In the end I abandoned the drawer furiously, found my black suit jacket and went to work looking unnecessarily formal, which matched with my unfriendly glare must’ve made everyone on the tube platform take two steps away from me.

And I know, I know very consciously that being tired and owning too many pairs of black leggings is not a reason for your day to go badly. I did all the things I usually do to cheer myself up – I ate chocolate for breakfast. I had coffee. I watched a video of my little baby nephew reading a book with my Dad. I tried being productive – I worked solidly for an hour without checking my phone. I tried being unproductive – I posted an Instagram and spent a solid half hour letting my thoughts scroll mindlessly through photographs of girls I didn’t know drinking coffee outside flowery cafes. Nothing worked. I am still in a bad mood, it is 12pm and I really don’t know why.

Maybe it’s the weather – it’s February after all, it’s been grey for as long as I can remember and just looking at Insta stories from people on holiday is enough to make me want to burst into tears. Maybe it’s pressure – I’ve honestly been working so hard, both at work and on my blog/Instagram photography etc, and I never really know how to feel like I’m succeeding at anything. Maybe I’m ovulating. Maybe I’m just tired. Or maybe it’s just one of those days.

Because I think – in this social media world, where everyone seems to be constantly doing something more glamorous and exciting than you, where everyone is either on holiday in the Maldives (screw you, Benefit, NOBODY wants to see other people jaunting about in the Maldives in January, no matter how nice their mascara is) or being a girl boss 24/7 (which seems to involve drinking coffee in cafes), it’s hard to remember that not every day can be a good day. It’s just life. It doesn’t make you ungrateful or spoilt. There isn’t always a reason, or even anything you can do about it.

And you can try – you can put red lipstick on and go for drinks, or get back into your pyjamas and eat your weight in pasta – but it might not work. Sometimes you’re just going to feel the weight of the world for a little while. And that’s okay. Just remember, somewhere in the back of your mind, that there will be other days where you wake up and the sun is warm and you wear your favourite dress and your hair looks nice and you hear the riff of a song you love and you go for drinks with people you love and feel wonderously, ecstatically happy just to be alive.


1 comment

  1. I love this! I think sometimes, one of those days just has to be one of those days. You have to embrace it, have a hot shower, some comfort food and an early night. I kind of like having those days sometimes! xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x


© Cat Cruse. All rights reserved.